Lucy's Ramblings on Writing, History, and Romance

Writing and Fear

I've been writing stories since I was in elementary school. For me, writing has been everything from an escape from a dreary life to therapy for depression to a device for bonding with friends.

Writing makes me happy, and I don't fear it. However, publishing my work is a different animal entirely. I published my first novel, The Rogue's Revenge, back in 2001 with a now defunct small press, but before I sent it in, I edited it. I edited it for about a decade.

When I started writing the book, my oldest son was an infant. I was still working on it (dithering would be a better word because the book was finished) in 1998 when he turned fourteen and told me to either send the thing in or get off the computer so he could play video games.

Fear is what held me back. Fear of rejection. Fear of discovering I was not a good writer after all; certainly not good enough to be published. Submitting a manuscript and being accepted by a publisher who was willing to take a financial chance on my work should have banished my fears.

It did not.

I confess that, when it comes to novels, I have been a slow writer. After The Rogue's Revenge, it would be over twenty years before I published a second novel. At least I only edited The Dunwarrick Curse for five years after I finished it. Now, in 2025, possibilities, along with societal concerns, have opened up that didn't really exist a quarter century ago, so I decided to self-publish this time.

A whole new set of fears and anxieties developed (and the older ones still remained). What if I can't make the technology work for me? What if all my reviews are bad? What if readers object to some of the content in my work and deem it socially unacceptable? What if I'm terrible at marketing, and I'm just frittering away the money spent on editors, covers, advertising, and so forth? What if getting the first book published was just a fluke that could never happen again?

All those fears are what kept me editing Dunwarrick for 5 years.

I finally decided I was being silly. Other people had had faith in my first novel. I should at least have faith in my second. So I screwed up my courage, held my nose, and jumped in. After all, I had the chops - two English degrees, an MBA, and a computer programming degree. Surely that would be enough knowledge to negotiate Amazon's publishing process.

The tech involved in posting the books on Amazon wasn't a breeze, but it wasn't that difficult either. My first book still retained its good reviews from years ago before I got my rights back from the publisher. My second hasn't received any reviews yet, but my fingers are crossed on that score.

As for the readers, they'll either like my stories or not. You can't please everyone. I've realized Shakespeare was right: To thine own self be true. As long as I pen the things I enjoy and want to write, my books will be authentic and pleasurable to someone. Trying to force myself into a best- seller mold or emulate some more popular author won't work for me.

I'm still wandering through a bit of a jungle on the marketing and advertising aspects of publishing. To make matters more frustrating, Amazon has decided to only offer my first edition paperback of The Rogue's Revenge (sold by 3rd parties only) and not the new revised, re- edited second edition I uploaded, so there'll be a bit of a battle there, but I'll tackle both issues and march forever forward. Can't give up now!

So there you have it! I pledge to write what I would like to read and hope a few others will discover and like it, too. I will tie my fears up and throw them in a mental closet so I don't take decades between book releases anymore. I'll take Polonius's advice to his son to heart: This above all - To thine own self be true.

From one writer to another - Thank you, Mr. Shakespeare, for the inspiration and courage!

Lucy Zahnle